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IR ONLINE POETRY: “Up in Smoke” by Kailtin Watts

Suck in
Hold it
Feel it
Let the smoke inhabit your space
Relinquish all inhibitions; release 

“Who were you before this moment?”

A poor schmuck
Fearful of life outside my front door; pitiful

“Who are you now?”

Weightless, a calm difference
An onset contradiction of self; free

“Tell me of a time you weren’t high?”

A room, it closes in
All signs of breath escape the body; agony

“Tell me the truth behind this need?”

Please forget what you believe
With this, I am truly able to live again; peace

I am unable to recall the last moment which I was not high.
I am also unable to explain the last moment of panic
Neither recount an occasion to discourage existence
Nor an instance of unsolicited tears; tearing what is left of my soul to pieces
Gone. Depleted as a memory cast into the wind
Please judge this path how you so may

But get this,
For just one moment,
Let’s shift the focus,
Sit and marvel,
Understand this fact,
I now can live.


Kaitlin Watts is a graduating senior at the University of Indianapolis, majoring in English with a concentration on Literary Studies. As an individual, Kaitlin enjoys shooting art photography, eating pizza for most meals, and binge watching Netflix documentaries with her dog-child, Callie.  With her writing, she always establishes her themes and creates subjects to express her day to day existence, while portraying the strong connection of an individual living with mental illness.  After she graduates in May 2018, Kaitlin hopes that she is able to find a career in which she can use her passions for reading and writing in her day to day work life.