I will haunt this home until it collapses upon me. I will stain the walls with mold and black water; make her uninhabitable for new use.
She is mine. Her yellow frame, and white trim are all the good I can remember of my painted youth—each window a portal to my glittering realm.
The mirrored panels of the basement were my studio; echoing white houses and tiptoed, bumblebee ballets. I drew from my reflection and got my own mouth wrong.
But give me time to amend. Do not rush me.
The catacombs were perfumed with sweet dry clay, a phantom of bitter acrylics permeating each sunroom. This was my laboratory—my invention: hope.
The unruly garden and its empty fountain was an Eden of lavender and crab apples, hidden caves and stone lions. I explored these lands ‘til the moors grew grey, but will not lend you the maps. You must find your own.
I will keep her disarrayed and enchanting.
I will be so profound in my rage that it will force you to silence.
I will shudder and hiss:
This is my house. This is my house.
until you find yourself trembling in your bones.
You have borne a whispering poltergeist, and I hope my restless aching brings you an
unknown sorrow.
But only leave her a specter—a wound that repeats itself—a skeleton overgrown with wisteria and ivy—only let her be to rot. Let her ruins sink into the earth like her ancestors, her creators, mothers and churches, orchestras and summers, beetles and marshes.
This temple of my childhood, this tower of my innocence must deteriorate with my time. So do not groom her. Do not tame her. Leave her foolhardy and wild.
Love,
The Heath.
*
Indigo Baloch is a senior at Chatham University earning her Bachelors Degree in Creative Writing and Journalism with minors in Graphic Design, Wo
men’s Leadership, and Asian Studies. She is the Editorial Assistant of Maniac Magazine, the Campus Correspondent for Chatham’s chapter of Her Campus, the Editor in Chief of The Minor Bird Literary Magazine, and a Poetry Booking Agent for FoundSound Music. Her poetry has been featured in multiple issues of The Minor Bird, and she has performed at the International Sigma Tau Delta Convention in 2016; she has also participated in many readings around the Pittsburg, PA area.
